OR: Why Ronald Duhan is a badass.
This man once backhanded my mother so hard she flipped backwards over a couch. Before you pussies start crying about beating children, know that she had recently lied to him about her plans for the night so she could go do coke with a friend. Also know that when I say “coke’ I’m not talking about fucking soda – I mean cocaine, that terrible white powder that is only SLIGHTLY less dangerous than Anthrax. Bet she stopped talking shit after that one.
This crazy bastard was in Vietnam too, and you better believe he didn’t shoot any goddamned kids! In fact, he was so feared by the natives, they wouldn’t even shoot at him. He refused to go home without a bullet in him though, so one of his friends shot him in the spine one day while marching to the mess hall. He walked that shit off though, ‘cause a little lead in the spinal column never hurt anybody. I used to tell people he got shot in the back while clinging to a helicopter's landing equipment after a covert operation, but nobody ever believed it because it didn’t sound badass enough for him.
Oh, did I mention that he’s a pimp? His family nickname is G-Pimpin, and no, that’s not irony. He brings home strippers like nobody's business. At one point he was dating two of them. They were both named Kimberly, because how the fuck else was he supposed to remember their names?!
He’s also had cancer a few times (he doesn’t keep count). The first time he quit smoking for a little bit, but he got bored and started up again. The second time he smoked through Chemo, because fuck cancer.
BEST GRANDPA EVER. Happy Father’s Day, you crazy old man you.
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